The Ashtanga Turtle

Turtle Returns

2011-01-03T21:33:00.000-08:00

I'm convinced that last year's rotator cuff tendon attachment injury scared me away from even the healing aspects of yoga.

I returned today, to what was advertised as "Very Beginner Yoga", with Brent, Dana's husband. He, I think, is fairly new to the teaching game, but an experienced yogi.

Speaking of yogi, tonight's class was a bit of a bear.

(pause)

Still with me?

Very elementary introduction - only an hour in duration.

I have lost a significant amount of stamina, not to mention the ability to clear my head quickly. This, I think, is when I need yoga the most.

I have this ugly habit - and I'm sure it's all a matter of being human - of letting go routines that I set up which actually work to my benefit. I get sidetracked easily. Recently it's been work and financial matters, and a stubbornness surrounding a tenacious want for a life that isn't all-work-all-the-time.

Slowly and steadily I've been piecing back together the lifestyle I had before the crash of September 2008. Two-and-some years later I'm moving forward again.

Yoga tonight.

Pottery upcoming Thursday.

The want to return to business-as-usual (literally and figuratively) has itself, returned.

I think the timing is somewhat coincidental. I'm not labelling this a New Years' resolution of any kind; simply, it's time.

More sleep
More water
More money
More time
More of what I love to do.

Namaste, peace.

A yogic reunion

2010-07-02T21:44:00.000-07:00

I returned to yoga on Wednesday; went to Dana's Beginner class, quite mindful of my right shoulder. Back in April I'd sprained something in my rotator cuff - a tendon attachment (of which there are plenty) but it translated to a significant strain of the segment of the triceps where they attach to the rotator cuff. Massage therapy for eight weeks has helped tremendously, but continued use at work has caused re-injury, not to mention a heightened frustration.

Twice my shoulder locked up as I extended into triangle pose, and I very much had to cheat chaturanga and anything resembling plank. I simply could not weight-bare. Yesterday my left triceps felt as painful as my right. I'm really frustrated because I'm trying to build strength in these areas so as not to allow for re-injury, and in the process, I'm re-injuring. Ugg.

I suppose this is where the rubber meets the road where my yoga practice is concerned. How much of what I want is simply physical fitness, and how much is a want to be truly mindful of my 'now' position?

Update on my cranky shoulder

2010-05-22T02:54:00.000-07:00

...how time flies! Since my last post, I haven't been to yoga. Turns out I sprained a tendon attachment in my right rotator cuff. I've been the last number of weeks at the massage therapy school, three times a week.

Last week I felt a great deal better and although the sharp pain is gone, the achiness persists, along with some burning sensation where the pectoral muscle meets the bicep in the front of my shoulder. My student therapists have all agreed that the burning is a GOOD thing, confirming circulation. I was initially in fear of having torn something, and that's never good.

My body's been telling me all sorts of things lately - mostly what some might deem,

"...you're getting older!"

I prefer to remain in denial, standing by,

"18 til I die".

I learned that setbacks can, in a moment, destroy what's taken months, even years to accomplish. I've also heard that once back on track, the catchup can be quick.

I've been cleared by the instructor at the Professional Institute of Massage Therapy to return to yoga, but to "cheat" chatturanga, or plank by dropping to my knees rather than up on the toes.

"It's an incredibly demanding posture, supporting your body weight like that...",
he said in our initial assessment.

The difference between chaturanga (the Ashtanga version of plank) and plank (often associated with Pilates) is that in chaturanga, you're not poised on your forearms and elbows,

but rather palms-down with elbows tucked in to the sides of your body.

This puts more stress on the pecs and the muscles connecting at the front of the rotator cuff.

So, yup, I've overdone it at yoga. In-keeping with a yogic approach to healing, I've been a good little yogi and backed it off. I do, however wish to return to class.

I'll keep you posted.

Yoga's like the gym

2010-04-13T22:32:00.000-07:00

...in that, as I've discovered, you can most certainly over do it. Last couple of classes I've had a cranky shoulder - aggravated by lowering to Chataranga, plank, or pushup position. Even though we're encouraged to back off or omit postures that may be cause for pain or overexertion, this one's tough to let slide.

The half primary series has somewhere around 20 of these worked into the sequence. To omit them would be tough as it would break the 'flow' of the vinyasa flow. They link the forward fold to upward-facing dog. I'm really not sure how you would get from standing to up-dog without somehow going through a lowering transition.

Perhaps I could try it with only my left arm. We'll see.

In the mean time, I think I'll seek out a massage therapist.

Done

2010-04-04T20:05:00.000-07:00

The 31-day challenge came to a close on Wednesday last week. I took Saturday off, after 33 practices- well, 34 since I'd gone twice one day just in case I needed a spare. I did not win the draw for the one-year membership, but that wasn't really the point.

I've decided that going to yoga class is much like going to the gym. Sometimes going every day leads to over-doing it.

I returned today for a morning class with Pat, and found myself pushing a little too hard. I'm struggling, to be honest. In one class I hear,

"Do what your body allows you to do - come back to the breath. You're not doing yoga until you surrender all agendas"

In another class, I hear,

"Have the courage to challenge yourself - to push your limits. This is where yoga begins."

Perhaps the balance is to be found in both statements, but some days I feel very much like a literalist - taking what i hear at face value, rather than applying it as is appropriate.

Maybe there's a lesson in this for me.

The Final Stretch

2010-03-28T21:05:00.000-07:00

The 31-day challenge is nearing an end. I have mixed emotions about it, too. It's been challenging, invigorating, exhausting and charging - seemingly all at once. I must admit that I've caught myself in a mode of competitiveness now and again, and when that happens I tend to get disappointed in my progress - as if the forward motion in the physical realm were the end-all and be-all.

I surprised myself last week when I did about three hours of fairly heavy gardening - moving gravel, shovelling loam, digging trenches and filling holes. At the end of it, all I really wanted was a meal - I was hungry; not tired, not sore, not beat - simply hungry. That, to me, is a sign that the continuous yoga practice is indeed paying off.

Have to admit though, it would be a really great feeling to do all the postures with dead-on accuracy, steadiness and a mindful flow. I catch myself now and again watching those who practice with effortless movements and breath. I watch with a sense of awe and amazement, and I guess it gives me something to shoot for.

I've had something going early-morning each and every day for just over a week, and I've lost a fair amount of sleep because of it all. I'm stoked about how the yard is coming together, and it's meant I've put in a lot of hours this last weekend - even past the point of "I should go to bed".

So... I'm going to bed.

Turtle out... er... namaste.

Spare time

2010-03-22T17:56:00.000-07:00

I'm a thinker and a ponderer - always have been. When duty calls, I jump right into action and... think about it - whatever the "it" may be.

Today at the yoga studio, Kim read from a book she picked up over the weekend - and I'm sorry, I've forgotten the title, but it was yoga-related. As we all lay on our mats in cool-down mode, eyes closed, regaining our normal breathing cycle, she shared with us the authors thoughts on how to spend our spare time.

I won't quote directly, because I cant, but I can indeed paraphrase what I heard.

What do we do with our spare time? It was offered up by the author that many of us dream of doing some of the great things that we see others doing, and more to the point, we sit in front of the TV and watch actors fulfill THEIR dreams, and rock stars live out THEIR greatest moments of fame on the stage. We often spend our time reading about those who have accomplished their life ambition - yet beyond our work and daily living, many of us never seem to find the time or motivation to live our dreams. It was suggested that in our spare time, we could make the effort to not only dream a little larger, but to take action toward achieving our dreams. This, as opposed to vegging out and simply watching the world go by.

I found it interesting that this was offered up in the same space where we're constantly hearing,

"...simply let it be."

or

"...simply observe what's going on in your body, your life..."

Earlier in the class, Kim's comment was "This is where yoga begins" - referring to the challenge of trying new and possibly difficult-to-you poses - to see what is possible.

Early in May there's a talk on the eight legs of Ashtanga Yoga. Going to class and fulfilling the physical challenges is but one. It will be interesting to see what unfolds.

11 of 31: a double-header

2010-03-11T23:10:00.000-08:00

One of the rules of the 31-day Challenge states that you may practice twice in one day in order to take a day of rest. A day of rest wasn't what I was after tonight when I decided to return, having done Lunch Flow.

I'd been working on the new website which was a bit of a bear in light of a couple plug-in errors on a page I'd created. I spent a great deal of time on the phone with Apple and on AIM chat with my friend Rick. The upshot was simply something corrupt on the page. All three of us agreed it would be simplest and best to scrap the page and rebuild it. By this time, however, I had about had it. Filled with frustration and desperately needing a break, I decided at 6:00 to return to yoga to work out my angst. The 7:30 class was perfect - a Level 1/2. Oddly, I didn't feel all that tired as I had at Noon. It felt good to use physical exercise to manage the frustration.

Good thing I went, too. I was chatting with a girl in the hallway as we waited for the preceding class to exit. Turns out she's getting married in July and needs a DJ. Perfect. I need the work!

I returned home to hit the website again, and it's up - but with errors. I'll pick away at them tomorrow.

Time for rest.

Namaste, peace.

The 31-day Challenge: an update

2010-03-09T18:34:00.000-08:00

Today marks day 9. I took in Pat's class at lunch - a modest 50-minute flow class. Hips were tight today, but my breathing was more steady and regular.

Sunday morning's class was a bit of a surprise. I arrived in time for a 9:00 start, but there was, oddly, a class in ahead of us. What surprised me more was that they stayed, while we joined them. I'd never been in such a large class - 46 as opposed to the usual 20-something. We were set out 8-inches apart, practically mat-to-mat. It was hot, too, but it didn't seem hot.

The special occasion? Turns out, on the first Sunday of each month, Mark Darby from Montreal has a group of instructors in for an all-day session. We were simply fortunate enough to join them.

Boy, did I sweat. I wasn't working any harder than usual - in fact, today Pat commented on how well I had paced myself throughout Sunday's practice which was very definitely a Level 2 class. In the latter part of the class there were poses I simply had to omit, or do part of. Nevertheless, I felt like I had about four showers in the hour and a half - all from the inside out! I'd literally towel down head to toe, and was dripping wet within 5 minutes. Oddly, it wasn't a "dirty" sweat - quite clean, and cleansing. But for the first time in my life, I literally rung my shirt out at home.

I returned home for actual shower number two, followed by a third after having worked in the yard.

There was a kid next to me, he might have been 16 or so. He was struggling to keep up. It reminded me of my first class back in '07. i don't think anyone had told him the part about "make it your own practice" and "it's a practice, not a performance". At one point, Mark wandered over and said,

"Your Mom made you come, didn't she..."

We all had a little laugh and carried on. His Mom, on his left side, smiled and agreed!

Overall, I'm finding a great deal of benefit in daily yoga practice. It's helped keep my mind fresh, caused me to willingly and eagerly drink more water, and the physical benefits are making their way in as well. I hesitate to "assess" the situation physically until I've put in a full year. What I notice the most is that I'm now highly aware of my body's A-symytry and all the little things that I've left unaddressed for four decades. The urge is there, every so often, to lose myself in the frustration of "why didn't I get into this earlier?", but that's not very yogic. I'm finding myself to be far more patient with my progress - especially physically.

In drinking more water and less-to-no coffee, I've also discovered that for what seems like 'forever', I've been exhausted. Inside, outside, physically, emotionally and mentally. Looking back on my routine, it's been coffee and other stimulants like sugar and alcohol that have kept me 'artificially' awake.

Sad, really.

I didn't sleep well last night - I couldn't shut off my brain. I had 'things of tomorrow' running through my head, and now that 'tomorrow' is today and those things have passed, I'm looking forward to planning 'tomorrow', tomorrow.

Tonight, it's time for rest.

Namaste, peace.

A day of rest. Then...

2010-02-28T08:02:00.000-08:00

March 1st. marks the start of the Yoga Shala's 31-day challenge.

I started going to class daily when I got back from Vancouver. WIth the exception of last Saturday and today, I've been each day for either a lunch-hour 50-minute class on Tuesdays and Thursdays or morning or evening 90-minute classes. It's been a good test of the waters to see if I actually LIKE it enough to go each and every day for a month. I do indeed enjoy it and have already realized the benefits of daily practice. (It keeps me from succumbing to the urge to pick flowers off the wallpaper when things get stressful.)

It's a bit of a landmark day today, too. One month into 40, and I'm signed up to take the challenge AND Canada took Gold this afternoon in the Men's Hockey at the Olympics in Vancouver. There's something wonderfully athletic about this year. I hardly felt athletic at all back when the Olympics were held in Calgary in 1988. Is it the fear of being 40? Not likely - more like a realization that indeed, as we age, it takes more care on our part to keep the machine well oiled... not to be confused with 'greased' - which was fun at 18, at 40, not so much.

Here's to remaining physically, emotionally and mentally fit!

Namaste,
Peace.

Beginner Ashtanga - a time to breathe

2010-02-17T22:37:00.000-08:00

Indeed. Tonight, Dana's class seemed almost peaceful. It's probably because I've been attending Level 2 classes - much higher-paced and athletic. Having started at the Shala in '07, I was probably the longest standing pupil in the room of almost-all-beginners. I like taking the slower-paced intro classes - they're a nice break.

For the first time in two weeks, I came to the end of class refreshed, not tired. I think my body's conditioning to the consistent physical exercise.

Ages ago (back in late '07 I think) I was whining in a blog post about Yoga Mala days - a period of time that you're encouraged to come to the mat for an entire month - every day. At the time I saw it as a marketing tool to get you to come to the studio. Under Dana's management, however, I don't feel that way about the "31-day challenge" starting March 1st. I've been going 15 days straight and as I do more, it simply becomes habit. It's helping me deal with the incredible stress going on in other areas of my life - effectively might I add.

I bought a bolster tonight too. I've been sleeping with a rolled-up comforter running the length of my spine for the last number of nights. It's helped roll my shoulders back, stretching out my traps and pecs. My shoulders are levelling out, and I'm feeling taller these days - if only by an inch or so. I start using the bolster tonight - excited, actually!

Chiropractic in the morning, so we'll see what Dr. Mike has to say!

Peace.

I knew this would happen...

2010-02-16T20:59:00.000-08:00

...I didn't feel all that groovy about yoga today. I was out of sorts: a hiccup in my morning plans threw me off and I simply wasn't centred when I started today at 12:10. Middle-of-the-day classes seem to be like that in general. I know I must be one of the only people in my group of friends who has the luxury of attending a yoga class at lunch, but it's taking some getting used to - to switch modes significantly in the middle of the day.

By the end of the practice though, I went headlong into the back side of my day with a clear head and a bit more positive attitude. Made some business contacts that it would seem are a little warmer as a result of my noon-hour gift to myself.

Read this in Gord's bio on the Shala site... something to digest:
“The winds of grace are always blowing, all we have to do is set our sails.”
-Krishnamurti

Day 13 - not so unlucky

2010-02-15T22:25:00.000-08:00

Today's Level 1 class with Sara was progressive. I've noticed a lengthening of my hamstrings - however small, but enough to notice. I started pre-class with Pigeon which is a fabulous hip opener. It actually demonstrates to me just how tight my hip flexors are. I think the hip flexor police would shut me down if they knew how tight mine were going in, back in January.

Pat's words from a couple years back rang through my head: "It's better to do a little, a lot, than a lot, a little". This going every day has yielded some pretty amazing results in less than two weeks!

Bottom line?

I feel better.

Busy Be, Busy Me

2010-02-11T22:13:00.000-08:00

I've experienced a paradigm shift.

What was once a really challenging "thing to do" has been integrated into my lifestyle, full on.

When I purchased my 1-year unlimited pass at the Yoga Shala, I became mindful of the monetary cost. I created a spreadsheet to track how many visits I was making to the studio against the yearly fee, and comparing that to the adult drop-in rate. Then I began to think more about the benefits of using the pass to its utmost: practising every day.

I took a "vacation" of sorts to celebrate my 40th birthday. On my return I was exhausted - mentally, physically, emotionally. My vacation had been exciting and full of life experience, but hardly restful.

I returned to yoga class on the second of February tired, stiff, locked up and generally numb from my noggin to my toes, inside and out. The first class was excruciatingly painful. I backed off almost every pose, and skipped a lot of the vinyasas. At the end, however, I felt... OK - OK enough to want to go the next day, and the next.

Along came Friday. I went to a 6:45 class called "Restorative". When I entered the room, nothing was as it had been in any of the previous classes. All the students were lined up, yoga mats against the wall around the perimeter of the room. Each had a bolster and a couple foam blocks. I use the blocks regularly to lift my hip off the floor in some poses, but never had I used a bolster. All we did, for the whole class, was to use this bolster in one position or other to lie across and stretch... for an extended period of time. Legs up the wall, back flat on the mat, bolster positioned along the length of the spine. It caused my shoulders to move back, and my traps to open up. There wasn't anything athletic about this class, contrary to Ashtanga's principles... well, principles beyond mindfulness of the breath anyway.

I went to see Mom on my way home after class. She said,

"You've been to yoga!"

"Um... yah... how can you tell?"

"Your shoulders are level!"

Well, well, well...

When I got home, I created a bolster of my own out of a rolled up comforter. I slept on the thing that night, and with the exception of waking up once, it was a long, restful sleep. I woke in the morning with a stretched-out back, and level shoulders.

I've been going to class - be it lunch-time with Pat, or evenings with various instructors. Dana, who owns the studio, has mentioned how much she enjoys my coming to her Level 1 class on Wednesday evenings. She thinks I take a front-and-centre position in the room because I'm keen. Should I tell her it's because it minimizes the temptation for distraction when everyone else is BEHIND me? Literally, I can be in the room with 30 other people, and feel like I'm on my own - in my own space.

Speaking of Dana - I was on the Shala website checking class times for the weekend and decided to read some of the blurbs for the different teachers at the studio. I hadn't actually read Dana's entry, and something she wrote really hit home:

"Someone wise told me that with a regular practice of Ashtanga yoga, the qualities which do not serve us gradually fall away. I expect that someday in the near future I won't be so inclined towards sleeping in, drinking coffee and cursing like I sometimes (often) do. In the meantime, I get to my mat and enjoy such benefits as a calmer mind, a more compassionate heart, greater flexibility / strength and so much more." -Dana Blonde, 2008

That whole notion of "qualities which do not serve us gradually fall away" is something I'm experiencing already. I've found that in the last week of practice, I've felt better - physically, emotionally and mentally - and I'm making my way through that feeling of being tired (which happens to many people who take up regular, frequent exercise) to feeling more energized, focused and... calm.

My awareness of the paradigm shift I spoke of at the top of the entry occurred last night. At the beginning of class I sat in "Child's Resting Pose", set the pace of my breath, cleared my mind, and it hit me: I love myself first and foremost, and to finally turn my focus inward, toward caring for myself before anyone else was so dynamically different than what I'd believed my whole life.

I mentioned to Mom, yesterday over coffee, that the yoga studio is the first place ever that I've been able to learn and grow at my own pace - without a sense of urgency, without a sense of competition. We've created for ourselves a world full of time constraints, deadlines and worst of all we set up our lives to generate stress - perpetually.

SIDEBAR - Perhaps this is a topic more appropriately addressed at the Armchair, since it isn't directly yoga-related, but I'll touch on it briefly by asking a question: I wonder if it was the stress of having to compete with other people that caused me to go out on my own and pursue self-employment? It makes a certain amount of sense - I've never really LIKED living by other people's rules, and I've often found it difficult to comply because we're all measured with a one-size-fits-all measuring stick. I believe I decided to work for myself so I could operate by my own rules and make my own mistakes without adversely affecting others.

So... I've added yoga to my daily to-do list, and it's wonderful! I feel there's something good, nay, great looming on the horizon, and it's inspiring.

Namaste, peace.

Turtle out.

Working past the friction point

2010-01-04T22:45:00.000-08:00

I took in an evening class tonight - 7:30 to 9:00. It was a Level 1 class, which I felt would do me more good as I work past the "friction point", as I call it: that achey "OMG, this is too much for my body" thing that happens when I've left yoga (and overall movement in general) alone for too long.

It felt good to go slowly. I was reminded by tonight's practice of the importance of frequency when it comes to physical exercise. i also, just now, remembered something Pat told me a couple years ago: "It's better to do a little, a lot, than a lot, a little". Words to live by, for certain.

Two things I noticed tonight:

One - my breathing has been rather shallow lately, and by focusing on deep, controlled breaths, I really noticed a difference not only in my alertness, but my posture.

Two - my hip flexors and those darned muscles just opposite them - forgotten what they're called - have been REALLY tight, to the point of being almost impeding. Cross-legged postures were quite challenging tonight.

I plan to head back tomorrow for Pat's lunch time class which runs shy of an hour, so it'll be a good break in the middle of the day.

Renewed Enthusiasm

2010-01-02T23:09:00.000-08:00

I renewed my yearly yoga membership back in mid-December. Today in class I felt like a newbie. Carolina led the Level 2 instructional and I felt a bit like a fish out of water. I noticed in my most recent post I used the word "clunky". I would have to say that a more accurate term for the way I felt this morning is "sore" or perhaps "stiff".

True to Turtle form, I was slow.

Everything ached this morning, and I thought for just a minute about the fact that I'm fast approaching 40. I remember two years ago, commenting to my friend Norm about a bit of a struggle I had loading the van one day. He said,

"Well, Dude, you're almost 40."

'Nuff crazy talk.

A day of rest, then back on Monday. Off now, to rest.

Namaste.

Return to "normal"?

2009-10-07T20:25:00.000-07:00

Wow, I haven't posted here since February??

It would seem that the Universe has diverted my attention away from documenting my yoga practice. It's also quite significant in that I returned to the yoga studio only today for the first time in five months. It would seem that when I needed it the most, I neglected actually using it. The month of May was killer, and June was a close second - stress-wise anyway.

Nevertheless, I returned today to a quite satisfying practice. I chose to walk to the studio - about a 2KM jaunt - and it got my metabolism moving for the first time today. I've been spending a great deal of time sitting, over the last couple days.

Audra was instructing today. She's a pretty gentle soul. She didn't adjust anyone in the class today - likely because the outside temps were bordering on winter conditions. Allowing the body to do what it will is a big deal when it comes to taking charge of your practice. You take charge by letting go, and I think it's a lesson from which everyone would benefit.

My body was clunky (is that an industry term?) today as I made my way through the Primary. I wonder if the reason I had such a great practice is that I did quite literally let things happen as they would. If my body said 'no', I complied. If my body said 'rest', I did. I truly felt as though I had this incredible focus on only me, and that was a liberating feeling.

In terms of routine, I think things are making their way back to 'normal' in comparison to the craziness of mid-year. There's a little fall-out to deal with in the non-yoga world this week, but I feel centred and ready to face it full-on. I likely won't blog about it because it's personal, but I will say that the strength I took away from class tonight is going to aid me in the upcoming life challenges.

Namaste and peace,
TG

In a way, it's exactly like going to the gym

2009-02-15T07:30:00.001-08:00

I discovered this on Friday when I returned to the Mysore class in the morning. My right shoulder not only ached, but was downright painful. I've been concentrating on controlled lowering in Chaturanga - pushup if you will - and learned from Audra on the previous Wednesday that MOST people rush through lowering and don't get the benefit of the strength training. I was pleased with myself for taking it on, however what I had done was common to a lot of people who go to the gym.

I'd done too much.

You see, what I had also learned about people who go to the gym is that they use it, sometimes, to release stress, anxiety and sometimes even anger. I'd done just that since I had gone to Pat's class Thursday at lunch, followed by a 7:30 class Thursday night with Carolina. Here I was at a 7:30 Mysore instructional on Friday morning... what was I thinking???

Later that afternoon I addressed my shoulder issue with my student massage therapist, Rashida. She didn't seem to be concerned one way or the other except to say that it appeared that the work we'd done over the last two weeks seemed to have reversed itself. We'd managed to level out my scapula to within one centemeter (from seven at the beginning of the treatments). Disappointing, to say the least. I began to wonder if I'd ever be fixed. I started doing math in my head to figure out what this treatment would cost me in dollars at a massage therapy clinic. It seems my little stint at the yoga studio not only over exhurted my body, but my budget as well. If I had been paying for the treatments, it would have translated to a $350.00 oops. I'm not sure I need any of those, really. Either Rashida was looking for payback, or simply being 'cruel to be kind'. That day she dug around my shoulder and arm pit to the point of almost-tears on the part of her client. Today, Sunday, my shoulders, neck and anything directly connected hurts.

I'm feeling this incredible sense of frustration with keeping healthy. The body, it seems, isn't so simple, and with all the bits and pieces that require constant attention I'm wondering when anyone who is conscious of what's going on with their physical well-being ever has time to do anything else?

Perhaps all of this is simply to re emphasise the point, "Do not push your practice. Yoga happens only in the now. Listen to your body. Be honest with yourself."

I was going to make an 11:00 yoga class this morning, however I think the 4:00 is a better bet. The other Emily is teaching at four, and she's a gentle soul.

I need a little of that right now.

A new soul and a different take on Ashtanga

2009-02-09T21:31:00.000-08:00

Gosh, it's been a while since I've posted here. Been taking in yoga several times a week though. I've noticed a decidedly more focused attitude in myself, too. I'm payimg more attention to the correctness of each posture - somewhat A-type of me, I know, which goes against what yoga stands for, but I feel driven about it somehow. Probably much like how those who go to the gym feel about their daily work outs. I discovered a new class, too. Early mornings offer the Mysore Room which is effectively an environment which offers one-on-one instruction on the Primary Series Ashtanga. I decided to go on Wednesday last week, and it was a workout like I've never worked out! I explained to the attending instructor, Audra, that although I'm all for letting my practice "happen", I am interested in at least going in the right direction as far as learning the correct posture for each... posture. This includes things like being mindful of pelvic control in a pushup, wrist creases in downward-facing dog (too much of a crease is an indication of yout weight being too far forward in the posture)and pacing the postures with the breath... oh, and everyone's favourite: core strength.

On Sunday it was Sara who commented to me about my sense of control in Chatarunga (low plank). I was impressed with my progress!

There are two instructors in the Mysore room - Audra and Emily. Emily is shown here with her instructor from one of her trips to Mysore, India. I saw her in passing, but didn't take a class with her until Friday night. She subbed, so it was quite by chance that I bumped into her. Crazy thing was that she recognized me from Wednesday morning! Often the instructors will adjust a posture for you even in a led class, but what Emily did for me took me completely by surprise, and provided me with a rather intense experience. Balance postures are no one's favourite, and I am certainly no exception. I usually hang out in a very elementary state, simply looking for balance and not concerning myself with the full posture of extending the raised leg or binding with my arms, bowing my nose to my knee or any of that. Emily said nothing, but simply walked up, grabbed my raised leg and extended it out in one motion, telling me to grab my toe. I was so completely shocked, I forgot to fall over! There I was, standin on my left leg, right leg extended out in front, and my fingers wrapped around my big toe. Emily of course, was offering couter balance by holding my extended leg under her arm. I now had a feeling of what it was like to be in a deeper expression of a pose that's simply frightened me from day one. She did the same on the left side, and was completely calm about the whole thing. She even encouraged me to look over my opposite shoulder which sounds simple enough until it comes to doing it. Amazing.

A good practice

2009-01-22T18:59:00.000-08:00

Today's practice was much better than Tuesday's. I felt more centred, more 'in the now'. I noticed things like a natural progression throughout the class - my practice sped up as my body warmed up, my muscle groups lengthened easily. I also noticed some knee pain in the right. My right knee has been grumpy ever since we replaced the orthodics. We added a lift a week or so back and it's unclear to me whether it really helps or not.

On may way to the change room I bumped into Pat. I said,

"How are you on this balmy day?" (The temps have dipped back down around -22C)

"Blammy.", he said.

I found out after class that he still has brochitis. I offered up what I know about Oil of Oregano, and he nodded, remembering that he had some.

Still thinking about S.'s words from Wednesday.

2009-01-20T17:10:00.000-08:00

I haven't been attending classes outside of Pat's noon hour offerings. I simply haven't felt inspired. I suppose that's the way, really, you go when you feel like going. But it reminds me about this thing we call diceplin. Growing up, I believed it to be something of a negative term - that sense of "have to do, against your will", like the little kid who doesn't want to go to school, but because his parents say he has to, he does. Or... 'diceplining a child' meaning, quite litterally, to spank them. Both kinda negative, but I heard a very positive view of diceplin once that I really rather like. It likens it to freedom. If you practice a 'diceplin', you learn and if knowledge is power and with power comes the freedom to act freely, then 'diceplin' is quite a positive thing.

I began to think of the things I practice regularly like a diceplin. Anything that requires a focused attention to it in order to achieve, I suppose, would be a diceplin.

To get away from the notion of 'harsh' being associated with diceplin, that's the key. Perhaps "focused atten to" could replace harsh.

A Turtley start to the New Year

2009-01-13T21:50:00.001-08:00

Yoga was what I needed today. I went to Lunch Flow with Pat, and one of the things that caught my ear at the beginning of class was,

"Keep your practice honest, keep it real; I expect nothing from you."

Guided Ashtanga appeals to me for several reasons, not the least of which is the sense of taking one's own time to do it. At the same time, the challenge is present to push forward if one so desires - there's somewhere to go. One of the greatest challenges I've discovered is in fact simply letting things happen in their own time.

For instance, a downward-facing dog posture has the heels firmly planted on the floor. I have extremely short hamstrings which translates to elevated heels. The good news, and something to look forward to? The heels settle to the floor eventually and in their own time.

I've noticed this with my body in hip openings. If I fold my leg toward Lotus, my knee is often quite elevated, but if I sit there for a spell, the knee comes down toward the ground.

One of the weakest areas of my body is the core. For my physical size, you'd think I'd have less belly, but no.

For the last couple weeks I've put my body under some strain and stress. Today the span across my upper back and shoulders was stiff as a board. A massage therapy appointment followed yoga today. The most painful area Allison worked on today was where my Deltoid muscle meets my Pec-minor.

OOOOOOWWWWWWWWCCCCCHHH!!!!

(to say the least)

I have muscles that are standing in for other muscles simply by my posture and various weak points in my body. I learned a little bit about what other muscles do to compensate for the ones that are not pulling their own weight, and it's not pretty. In fact, it sounds expensive.

I still have to work out a plan, but I think with increased yoga, I can keep the massage therapy bills at bay.

Think I'll go do some upward and downward dogs.

Namaste.

"I am not the leaf blowing in the wind, I am the wind blowing the leaves."

2008-12-29T22:01:00.000-08:00

I've come to appreciate Shavasana for more than simply a rest at the end of a yoga practice.

It's more than simply lying on my back with my arms and legs extended, exhaling the breath from my lungs and letting go of the physical stress of the practice and the day.

It's an opportunity to not only calm, but focus my mind.

I found focus quite difficult to achieve today. It's been a number of days since my last class - a little over a week, actually. I missed it, but accepted it as a result of the Christmas break.

I'm tired, I've lost weight (about ten pounds since the end of August)and coming around to the realization that this year to come is going to bring with it a great deal of energy and excitement, but will also require a lot from me to make it happen. Yoga, I assert, will help to keep me healthy, active and focused. I also must focus on my diet and my rest.

For many, many years I simply used my body to get around. I didn't really pay it any mind; never really paid it back for all the work I put it through. In amongst the wishing that I'd taken up yoga years ago, I have this sense that perhaps I needed to reach a certain level of emotional and physical maturity to take it on.

I come back to profound words,

"Don't worry about the future, forget about the past; we're gonna have a ball, we're gonna have a blast - gonna make it last."

I used to reflect, a lot, on the good times of the past. Three years ago I made the observation that I wasn't moving forward, simply existing. It was boring, to be honest, but not knowing how to go about making a change, it was truly quite difficult to initiate forward motion.

Making a shift toward not worrying about the future and forgetting the past has been difficult. Yoga has helped. It seemed silly to me at first to talk about bringing my mind to the present moment, but once I learned (feebly, I might add) to do it, it put a whole new perspective on where I focus my energy.

I used to give my all to 'work' and 'making a living' and 'worrying about money'.

I wasn't happy, or very rarely was I happy.

I've experienced a joy that is sometimes beyond words because I now know what it's like to give TO myself, not only OF myself.

I've learned that you cannot give that which you do not have.

The "...gonna make it last" part is my next challenge.

I want to grow old. I want to grow old and healthy. I don't want to BE old, particularly before my time.

I may not make it past today, who knows? But chances are I will. I want to stand up with pride and say,

"Look what I have: isn't it beautiful!"

So, to quote myself, I'm going to "turn it into something you love"

Today's blog title was spoken to us in class today; another reason I'm thankful for Shavasana.

Namaste.

The engergy of love

2008-12-22T23:58:00.000-08:00

A pulse surged through my body tonight at yoga. It was a one-time over-sized heartbeat that seemed to encompass me from head to toe.

This may sound crazy, but it was my Dad. Or rather, my Dad's spirit.

I think he approves.

Somehow, this hyper-focus I have on yoga these days seems like a 'right fit', and I think it has everything to do with my own sense of need for physical fitness, coupled with my gentle, unassuming nature.

Where does my Dad fit in?

Honestly, while he was here, I think he felt that his own sense of well-being lacked in a way.

I have his support, through his spirit. Ever since he left in September, I've felt him near by; not all the time, mind you, but consistently.

I've found it incredibly easy to be gentle with myself, and 'priority' stuff for me has changed, I think, for the better. My focus, however selfish it may seem to some, has been on me: my body, mind and spirit. All three have taken a bit of a beating as of late, and perhaps it's simple survival mode setting in, but things like money, working insane hours and limiting beliefs like what I can and cannot do have all taken a back seat to "here's something I CAN do, and it IS making a difference."

Tonight's experience was peaceful. Not only did I feel a sense of my Dad's spirit, it was also gentle and encouraging.

There's something about the yoga studio that is so unlike the gym or even anywhere else outside in the world. It seems that the barrier that exisits between people in public isn't there in the yoga studio, yet everyone's 'space' is respected.

Our instructor, Sara, had encouraging words for me tonight. Not only that, when we moved into Shavasana at the end, she made her way around the room to gently adjust us. It was several minutes before she came to me, and she did something completely respectful and healing, yet surprisingly personal. Personal probably because it addressed a very real area of stress in my body. She pressed my shoulders back into the mat, then massaged my temples and ran her fingers through my hair, which my massage therapist calls "fuffing your ora". Good for the soul, I'm sure.

I came away energized and encouraged, which are two feelings I haven't felt in a long time anywhere but the yoga studio.

Namaste.

...and Pat thought it was cold out in the last post!

2008-12-15T21:47:00.000-08:00

Today was cold.
-30 with a windchill of -38.
I missed the lunch hour session with Kim because I was starting and moving vehicles in the cold. After a heartwarming visit over a Tim's, I proceeded to a 4:30 90-minute class with Pat. I arrived to find the parking lot jammed, several cars looking for a place to park. The tension was thick, so I decided on the path of least resistence to home.

I returned to the 7:30 class with another instructor who was new to me, Sarah. She led quite a different class, but founded in the principles of the Primary Series Ashtanga.

I was cold-to-the-bone going in, and the studio wasn't much above 'room temperature', which was surprising since it's often far hotter.

I was stiff, a little sore and quite rigid in my first few movements. I decided to simply let the practice happen, and as always, I was well opened up after the first thirty minutes. It was also good to feel warm again!

I'm awefully weak in my core. Ashtanga proves that beyond a shadow of a doubt! It also targets the areas in which I need work. This is great because then, I can work those areas!

As I write this post, I'm so ready for some serious Shavasana (or Corpse pose, or sleeep to the layman. Well, it's not rightfully sleep in yoga terms, but rest.)

I'm looking forward to Dr. Mike's comments tomorrow morning at chiropractic. I'm also looking forward to my first session at the Sleep Clinic. I'll be sporting a gizmo overnight tomorrow that will monitor my sleep patterns. I've been anticipating this for what seems like forever. More on this later at the Armchair.

Glad I went tonight - my shoulders are stiff and a bit sore, but everything else is saying "thank you!"

Namaste,

Peace.

Thoughts on yoga for the now

2008-12-04T22:52:00.000-08:00

Today we were greeted with: "Welcome - move slowly, breathe deeply - it's frickin' cold out!"

Looking back on today's practice with Pat, I arrived early - about 30 minutes actually. I perused the merchandise for sale in the front lobby, looking specifically for some yoga music discs. I scored, too.

"Yoga Rythms" is a delightfully housy-trance-like mix of tracks that can run in the background, and it does what background is supposed to: it's that music that you don't know is there, but you'd miss if it weren't.

"Om Yoga Mix" is similar, but less Trance, more... almost tribal.

I bought something else too: a 1-year unlimited membership to the studio. I've been going 5 days out of 7, feeling better for it, and showing improvement at the chiropractor because of it. I may not be the world's most flexible guy, nor am I the most graceful in my movements in the studio, but I practice. And it's my practice - no one else's. Today I felt clunky, and completely OK with it. My sights are not on the improvement of the day, but rather, set on a six-month target for reassessment. I've already felt a difference inside of two weeks. Thirty four more weeks is sure to yield positive results. And if yoga happens only in the 'now', it doesn't matter what the future holds.

The more good I do for myself, the more good fortune I seem to accumulate. I think there's something to be said for those who appreciate and honour their life and each day they live. If simply not wasting a day, but putting it to good use and leaving in its place something of betterment - for myself or the world around me - is payback enough for the day given, I endeavour to fulfil. Life is precious and not without limit. I want to give myself every advantage for a healthy, long and happy time.

Pat honoured me today by telling me that he's noticed that I don't race through the series, trying to keep up to the class - that I pace myself to my own breath and I make my practice my own. He admires that in a student, and he acknowledged that in me. Yes, I appreciate acknowledgement, and I also appreciate those who go out of their way to enrich my life.

The Ashtanga Turtle's Intention

2008-12-03T08:29:00.001-08:00

I became frustrated with myself yesterday when I realized I haven't been keeping up the intended fuction of this blog.

When I fist began writing about my yoga, I intended to use this blog as something of a notebook to keep track of my physical progress through my practice. Yesterday as I was making my way through the Primary Series with Pat, while in a seated posture, I noticed a distinct difference in the angle of my leg with respect to the mat. My knee was lower - closer to the floor. It would appear that all along, through the gentle repetition of hip openings and muscle group lengthening I've progressed to something resembling increased flexibility. Very odd for me. OK, perhaps not odd, but definitely different.

On reflection, I've realized that over the last two or three weeks my general stiffness and little aches and pains have diminished. In my shoulders, the muscles are still tight, my pectorals are still kinda roapy and my latts are not always happy, but in general I feel better.

As I was sitting on my mat prior to class yesterday, I massaged my calves and hamstrings. GAWD, THEY HURT! I was going to have my massage therapist address it, however she had called in the morning to say that her son was in hospital and could we reschedule?

Truth be told, I'm finding far more value in 4x weekly yoga than 1x weekly massage therapy. In financial terms, that translates to $40 for yoga VS $80 for massage. With chiropractic in at $40 per visit, I'm beginning to see a financial benefit to yoga as well.

Tomorrow I visit the chiropractor for the first time since last Thursday. I'm going to suggest that we consider 1x weekly appointments instead of 3x every two weeks.

As for the yoga blog, as with yoga, it happens only in the now.

Namaste,

Peace.

Pre yoga ponderings

2008-12-01T10:07:00.000-08:00

It is good to meditate and to accumulate not victories, but the experience of those victories. Savour them. No one can ever take that away from you. It is the experiences that come from prowess, not prowess itself, that are valuable.

-Deng Ming-Dao

Emily Shines

2008-11-30T21:05:00.000-08:00

Today I did a drop in class for 90 minutes with Emily. I hadn't been to class in a couple days, instead I moved sound equipment all weekend and strained a few things here and there.

It felt good to get back to the mat, but I was running a bit late and didn't get my traditional place in the room: close to centre, near the front. Instead, I was off to the side, and it kinda threw my practice off a bit - even though the idea is that nothing really matters beyond the 12 square feet of personal space called 'my mat'.

Emily is a gentle soul. Twice during the class she helped me deepen a posture, and once near the end while I was in 'corpse pose', she made a point of coming over, picking up my folded towel and placing it under my head.

There was once a sign posted outside the studio for drivers-by. It read,

"Happy people do yoga".

It's true. I do yoga, and I'm happy.

Namaste.

Pat's patience

2008-11-29T21:13:00.000-08:00

On the way home from the chiropractor on Tuesday I passed a car in the parking lot of the LRT station. For whatever reason I took note of the license plate. It read,

"TRYOGA"

It's interesting to note, on a Universal level anyway, that when you have something on the brain you tend to draw more of the same in. In my haste to make the train, I noticed this plate, and somehow - even though I'm already into yoga - it sent me a message to the effect that I feel right down to my core that I'm doing something that's right for me. Not ever having felt the need or want for contact or competitive sports, I haven't ever been into anything quite as physically active, as regularly as yoga. My running friends talk about the "runner's high" - that sense of drive and 'in the zone'-ness that keeps them coming back for more. I tried running. It's not for me - not seriously anyway. Yoga, on the other hand, has demonstrated this sense of a high that I simply did not get from running. It's like addiction to a drug, really. I used to go once a week, maybe twice. Over the last two weeks I've attended eight classes. I think it will be quite easy for me to do 5 days a week - it's addictive.

One instructor I've known since I started yoga a year ago last May is Pat. He's this tall bald guy that, to look at from a distance, you may think twice about approaching simply because of his stature... not the kind of guy you'd take first glace of and want to meet in a dark alley - unless of course you knew for certain that he was on YOUR side! The first thing I discovered about Pat was his gengle, good nature. He's the guy who instructs us to

"Let your practice just happen"
and asks,

"Yoga only happens in the moment; what are you doing, this breath?"

I've known all along that Pat was involved in professional sports prior to becoming a yoga instructor. I found out only last week, from sources at the studio, that he was in fact a professional wrestler.

That's right. Gentle, good natured Pat used to kick people's asses.

I enjoy Pat's classes in part because I KNOW he could kick my ass, but chooses not to. Instead, he welcomes me each and every session with something like,

"Welcome, brother, it's good to see you!",

and each and every time, he encourages me to make my practice my own - not to worry about how it should look, but rather perfers an honest approach which says,

"this is what I can do, today."

I'm happy to be at yoga and I believe it's as good for my body as it is for my spirit and my soul.

Namaste

Yoga's Edge

2008-11-24T13:58:00.000-08:00

There was an edge to yoga today.

It started with the group of chatty cathys who, rather voisterously, disrupted the quiet time preceeding class. Two were in the studio setting up their mats, the third came in dressed fully in her winter coat and the three of them yammered on and on with seemingly no respect for the sanctuary that is the studio space.

No matter... on with class. Kim Weibe strikes me as intense. She pushes, all the time saying "go at your own pace..." but she pushes. She also cramed as much as humanly possible into the 50-minute session. It seems we did about the same amount of 'work' yesterday, but in an hour and a half. In fact, we went overtime since she hadn't done all the core work she'd intended.

I don't find her encouraging, I find her to be much like a drill sargaent. It didn't help that I went in with a lot on my mind this afternoon.

All that said, I think there was a reason I was to take this class, and today. As we were lying in cool-down mode, she talked about how we often live, planning for a tomorrow that never really comes because we haven't learned to live in the now. We're always looking forward to this condition or that condition to hold true before we can really enjoy life. She very effectively brought my mind back to the very present moment, in the very present space I was in, and that made up in my mind for the unsettledness I'd felt during instruction.

Yet another gentle soul

2008-11-23T21:33:00.001-08:00

Today I decided to take in a 90-minute yoga class.

Some of the poses in the Primary series are difficult for me to achieve simply because of the way my body is structured. When standing, my knees set parallel, my right foot is pointed outward at about 30 degrees. What this translates to in the seated postures is a great deal of difficulty achieving full- or half-Lotus based postures. I can sometimes sit on a block to buy myself some lift, and that makes my favourite posture,

Tiriang Mukha Eka Pada Paschmottanasana, easier... well, possible to do. This photo shows the full posture with the forward bend. I simply sit in Dandasana,

incorporating the leg bend, but no forward fold because my hamstrings scream! Folding at the hips in this position, I can get my chin slightly toward my knees, but only slightly! In Paschmottanasana, I get a really great hamstring and quad stretch. Sitting with my back straight in this position, I could probably enjoy it for a very long time.

The instructor today was someone I'd never met - Emily Valdes. She has a way of encouraging a deeper expression of the poses without incurring pain. I like that - a lot! It must be her 'gentle-as-a-lamb' approach. Her words are kind and encouraging and her delivery is soft, but direct. Some instructors single out only a few students as they make their way around the room. Emily appeared to check in with each of us at least once if not twice during our time together.

This was only my third class since 'forever', and already my body feels better.

I was thinking about the whole Western notion of work, and how often we hear people complain about "having to go to work", or even "having to do this" or "having to do that". I get those feelings about things I have to do in excess, not necessarily that I have to do them.

So now, my challenge to myself is this: it is said of yoga that "you'll go farther faster if you take a loving attitude toward yourself and work from where you are, not from where you think you should be." so, consciously applying this principle to the other areas of my life may in fact, yield similar results. Also, doing a little bit of work, a little bit of exercise, a little bit of social stuff, a little bit of play, a little bit of rest and a little bit of meditation - each day - will yield me a healthy, happy and full, rich life.

My folks always said,

"The world's a brighter place after a good night's sleep."

and

"The world's a brighter place after a bite to eat."

Wise words.

Namaste,
Peace.

Back Home

2008-11-20T22:09:00.000-08:00

I've spent a great deal of time being disenchanted with yoga to the point I've simply not been going to classes. Very rarely have I been keeping up with my home practice; I've simply let it slide.

The amount of stress I've felt pulse through my body in the last eight weeks or so has been overwhelming to the point it's disrupted a great deal of what I've enjoyed in life: lots of interesting things to challenge my mind, body and spirit, a healthy work life and good social relationships. All have suffered over the last few weeks.

In fact, around about the time I arrived home from Quebec in June, a great number of the external things that contribute to making my life beautiful have seemingly dissipated.

In the last week I've rekindled some of that which is an expression of my happiness: I'm back at the pottery studio two weeks and some now, and yesterday marked my first official day back to the yoga studio. One of my favourite instructors, Pat, is still teaching there and they now offer a 50-minute lunch-hour session that runs Monday through Thursday.

I signed up.

I went.

I enjoyed... very, very much.

A little less than an hour of yoga seems to be just the thing for me. The 90-minute sessions were great, but not something I felt I could do 4-5 times a week. Attempting that back in November last year proved only to frustrate me and talk me out of continuous yoga.

Today's session was called "Lunch Flow", which I thought was absolutely hilarious! Pat greeted me this afternoon with a very sincere, "Welcome home, brother." I truly felt 'at home'.

Making our way through the Primary series Ashtanga, I discovered how out-of-shape I've become, and how important it is to continue my yoga practice. Very quickly my body picked it up and by the end of today's session (having also attended yesterday with a different instructor) I felt much less tense, in fact almost completely relaxed.

Following the class, I greeted Pat and assured him that I would return.

My self-awareness has increased dramatically over the last few years and I've noticed that I, personally, get far more forward motion out of doing "a little a lot" rather than "a lot, a little". The thought of going to the studio four times in a week for only 50 minutes excites me to the point I want to jump right in and do it!

Tonight was pottery night too. It's been rather cold here and for a fleeting moment I felt like staying home. I knew that if I skipped pottery I would end up only sitting around the house, so I went. Not only was it social, it was also good therapy.

What a decadent day... two things I absolutely love to do, and I got to do them both.

For many reasons I am blessed, but these two - pottery and yoga - seem to be things I crave for my own well-being.

Namaste,

Peace.

Reflection on balance

2008-05-26T12:46:00.000-07:00

For some time - years in fact - I`ve heard that `balance` is something that one does not simply achieve and let be. Balance in one`s life is something that is found again and again as life`s circumstances cause us to lose our awareness of the `whole` and perhaps hyperfocus on a part or on nothing in particular.

I`ve spent some time away from yoga because it got away on me. I read in a book this weekend two things that I allowed to soak in:

"Be patient with yourself. Self-growth is tender; it`s holy ground. There`s no greater investment."

the other I remeber only the gist of and it's about a man who runs four hours a day, proclaiming that in doing so he is adding ten years to his life. What he doesn`t realize is that in doing so, he`s spending those ten years running!

These two little tidbits brought me back to a balanced way of thinking where yoga is concerned. I remember when I was happiest doing yoga. It was about this time last year. I was attending sessions once or twice per week. I allowed myself to be talked into "yoga should be practiced every day", and not wanting to be half-way dedicated to it, I signed up.

It was too much.

I began to not only regret it, but detest it in a way as something I HAD to do.

There's a massage therapy clinic not far from where I live that has a sign posted offering yoga beginning June 1st. I think I'll check it out.

Once an Ashtanga Turtle...

2008-04-02T04:50:00.000-07:00

I've struggled with yoga as of late. In fact, I've struggled with consistency in a lot of the things that relate to my level of physical fitness. I got myself into a bit of a rut by allowing the circumstances around me to dictate how much I was willing, or not willing, to dedicate to my practice of well-being.

Back in November I lost my steam where yoga was concerned. I participated in Yoga Mala days - one and a half hours of yoga, once a day for thirty days. By the end of week two, I'd had it. The atmosphere in the studio seemed highly competitive. It was crowded, smelly and overall unpleasant.

I changed studios for a spell - followed one of my favourite instructors. Scheduling didn't work, so I tried a completely different studio. It was neat - no need for a yoga mat as the entire floor was one big one. Chinese Energy Yoga focuses on the energy lines of the body, and Monday's class in particular focused on intestinal circulation, and I discovered something. I have very little core strength. It simply means I need to do more of this training, but I'm not sure it's for me. It didn't feel 'right'.

From day one, Ashtanga has felt right. I describe it as "going to the gym without the equipment". Perhaps a re-visit is in order... on my own terms. After all, once an Ashtanga Turtle, always an Ashtanga Turtle.

Where is yoga on your stove of life?

2008-02-17T07:28:00.000-08:00

I have to admit, it's been on the back burner for some time. I took part in Yoga Mala days over the month of November, and it opened my eyes to just how competitive yoga can become. In fact, I developed something of a distaste for it as a result of going to the studio every day of the week for an hour and a half. People were coming out on mass, it seemed to me because there were incentives to maintain your attendance. Weekly draws for those who met the quota of visits per week, and everyone was vying for the month-end prize of a year's unlimited membership. All this struck me as contrary to what yoga is all about - at least for me.

My feeling is that my yoga is my practice. It's my time to allow my body. mind and spirit to grow on its own, in its own time.

Although I've 'come to the mat' in my own home over the last number of months, I haven't been to a structured class since November. This afternoon I'm venturing to Yoga Santosha to take in the Yin class at 4:00. Allison, who was one of my instructors at the Yoga Shala, is teaching there, and was one of two instructors I truly connected with. I haven't been to one of Allison's classes since last summer. I anticipate this to be a 'coming home' of sorts. She, along with Pat, inspired me to focus on my practice as my own - on my own terms.

Yoga Update: First post in...forever!

2007-10-27T16:33:00.001-07:00

It's been a long time since I've visited this space. I took most of September off from yoga since I had been sick with either laryngitis or a cold. Back in the swing of things on October 1, I resumed my classes.

It became a little too much to squeeze in two 1.5-hour classes per week, so I started attending once a week on Tuesdays following my University class. THEN, Tuesdays became so full I moved to the Monday afternoon class, and what a switch!

Still with Pat, the Monday afternoon crowd is just that - a crowd. I'm used to a class of six or ten people at lunch hour. Monday afternoons are a zoo! Upwards of twenty to thirty people in the studio, and let me say for the record: I find it MOST discomforting to enter the studio, trying to relax and focus on my breath while four or so students (also regulars)sit on their yoga mats chatting up a storm before class. I was told that the yoga studio was a sacred place, and could I kindly remove my shoes while on site. I think there too should be a rule of relative silence, or at least respect for your neighbour, once you're in the practice space.

A couple weeks ago I accidentally left my yoga mat behind after class. I went in the following day and it was gone. No one had tucked it in the lost and found, or with the public yoga mats. I was sad. I'd come to love my mat - it's something of one's own 12-square-feet of personal space; growth and regenerative space - my own sacred ground.

When I returned this past Monday, I still didn't have it, and chose to use one of the public mats instead of shelling out another $90.00 for my own. I entered the space already... well... pissed off, to be honest. To think that someone who takes yoga would have taken my mat seems to, in my mind, go against what yoga stands for - being honest. Then I thought, "Well, there's being 'honest' with yourself in your practice, and then there's being 'honest' with other people - I guess the two are not the same."

Thankfully, at the end of my practice that day I had let go of my feelings of anxiety and anger about the loss of my treasured mat. On my way out the door, I claimed my shoes from the rack. Looking down to put my shoes on, I noticed a yoga mat rolled up, standing on end behind the potted plant to the left of the door. It was, indeed, my mat.

I was happy, and felt a little ashamed of having suspected someone at the studio of having taken my mat.

Pat is really good at reminding us that each breath we take is a gift; in each exhale, we return that gift.

I'm going to block some time this weekend for yoga.

It seems the thing to do.

Friday Post: No Yoga, No Cry, but a sore throat?

2007-09-14T02:47:00.001-07:00

No yoga for me today (again! grr...)

Give my regards to Paschimottanasana.

*sigh*

Tuesday Log: No Yoga, No Cry

2007-09-11T16:04:00.000-07:00

...I think there's a Bob Marley tune in that somewhere.

I opted out of yoga class today. It was the first day of class at the U., and I've had a head cold for several days now, and it's not getting any better. I will likely do some stretching and light yoga poses tonight before retiring, though. I miss it when it doesn't happen.

Friday Log: Not always better late than never

2007-09-07T18:15:00.000-07:00

Ever have one of those days, the events of which all seemed out of your control? For me,that was today.

Between running back and forth from the bank and home to solve a "my online banking is screwy" issue, making an appointment to get Bob in about an apparent bladder infection, and ultimately taking him in for the appointment and saying goodbye, I missed class today.

I was five minutes late, and as is normal practice at the studio, the doors are locked during sessions.

Maybe it was simply meant to be, since I was to spend a few more hours with Bob.

Friday girl on Tuesday

2007-09-04T14:10:00.000-07:00

I walked in, expecting to see Pat - nu-uh.

There stood Allison.

The practice was good, but I wasn't at all keeping up the pace. I was very slow, and from an outside view, it would have looked as though I were in my own world.

It took me a great deal of time to warm up and stretch to the point of being able to do ANY poses with any kind of 'result'. This is precisely what they meant when they said,

"Make it your own practice."

And so I did.

Everything is par for the course, except...

2007-08-31T14:34:00.000-07:00

On arrival at the studio, several of us were standing outside a dark room and a locked door. There was no mention on the posted schedule of long-weekend classes that ours was to have been cancelled, so we waited. And waited.

In good time for the class, however, we were greeted by Melody, the owner.

Also, Allison was on holiday. In her place was Danielle.

I was interested to find out the difference in her teaching style, and the ONE thing that stood out was this: She had the whole class consciously moving to the pace of our breath. I know we began by focusing on our breath and our breathing rate, but I can't say for certain what it was that she did that got us to set and keep our pace.

Something felt out of place, though. Maybe it was the upset in the established familliarity of instruction. Yoga is a very personal practice, and perhaps I realized today just how much your instructor's presence, or lack thereof, can affect your own personal space - metaphorically and physically.

I still have a lot of work to do on hip opening. Gawd, it's rough! I should also look up the names of the muscles that hurt so much.

Looking forward to seeing Pat on Tuesday.

Tuesday Log: Full moon fever

2007-08-28T14:35:00.000-07:00

Today saw a full moon. Pat opened the session by telling us that in traditional Ashtanga, one would normally not practice today. Because the body is 70% water, it, like the tides, is affected by the pull of the moon.

We practiced anyway, and I wonder if it was truly good - our bodies like the seeds that the Farmer's Almanac says should be planted at such time because the rooting force is the strongest at full or new moon. Or perhaps we are like the plants that should be transplanted at this time because the flowering forces are strongest.

Although I was tired, I felt 'rooted' in my practice. Nothing seemed to matter beyond the perimetre of my purple mat. I'm not sure I've been anywhere else where I've experienced being in a room full of people - each taking up about twelve square feet - yet feeling completely on my own in my actions and my thoughts. It's a whole new space amd feeling.

Friday Log: Meet Allison and Pat

2007-08-24T14:47:00.000-07:00

Today I was beyond wiped. Yesterday was a 21-hour work day, followed by an early-morning call to meet a client.

I was 'off' all day.

Yoga was no exception. If I'm feeling a bit tired, sometimes yoga will bring me up because I get to breathing, moving and thinking mindfully.

Not today.

Everything in my practice was slow, and a number of the poses I opted not to do, in favour of taking a Child's Pose.

This is part of what I'm coming to understand yoga to be: your own practice at your own pace.

At the end of the 90-minute class I felt like someone had steam-rolled me, even though I had done all this self-pacing. I came out of the studio into the lobby to discover my Tuesday instructor, Pat, sitting at the front door. He was waiting for our class to end so he could do some of his own practice.

I've been meaning to catch both Allison and Pat for a photo op., but this seemed too good to be true - all three of us in the same place at the same time.

Here we are in two separate poses (pardon the punn).

It seemed we couldn't get Allison and Pat to smile at the same time!
These are two people who have crossed my path, and to whom I owe a
great debt of thanks.

Each, in their own way, have helped me along my path of well-being. Allison has invited me to arrive 30 minutes early on Fridays for some one-on-one instruction, and Pat has warmly encouraged me (and at times been more than pointed about it) to "make my practice my own". Each offer me a slightly different perspective on the practice of yoga, and together provide me a much wider scope of vision for my sessions.

The spirit in me acknowleges and respects the spirit in Pat and the spirit in Allison. Good, gentle souls, both.

Namaste.

My first log-in

2007-08-21T10:18:00.000-07:00

My first class after having started a log is today - in about 40 minutes. I spent the bulk of the morning cycling - I'm not sure how far, but from Northmount and Brisbois through the University grounds to the Foothills Hospital and round trip. It will be interesting to see how this affects my practice today.

--------------------------------------------------

Post-class

I had a good practice today. The 20 minutes or so that preceeded the class allowed me to stretch.

Dandasana looks simple, but for those of us with short hamstrings, it's a real challenge.

As is the second pose I used to stretch.

Both Dandasana and Triang Mukha Eka Pada Paschimottanasana require you to bend at the hips, keeping your back straight. I found an incredible stretch simply remaining straight. As my muscles warmed up throughout the practice, when we arrived at these two poses in the cycle, they were far easier to do, and I did get a bend in - hand just shy of my knees.

I paid far more attention to my breathing today, slowing my practice down considerably. Inhaling, exhaling and progressing through the postures not at class-speed, but by my own breath. For the first time, today I didn't feel "behind", but rather, that I had developed my own practice in my own time. I also didn't feel short of breath as I had in classes where I felt the need to "keep up the pace".

I have considerable difficulty achieving Lotus, Half-Lotus or any variation on the theme. At the completion of every class, we sit in our own variation of "crossed-legs" and bow at the hips to touch our nose to the mat in front of us. I cross my legs, certainly not in Lotus, and lean forward with the utmost respect for my instructor and the other students. I have yet to touch my nose to the mat.

But I can say, "Namaste".

Wouldn't you know it, there's a Turtle Pose!

2007-08-19T00:09:00.000-07:00

I was Googling around and came on this quite by accident. There is, indeed, a Turtle Pose, and it looks like this:

OK, now I'm excited that I have a yoga blog!

The Ashtanga Turtle

2007-08-18T12:52:00.000-07:00

Fitting title, don't you think?

Yoga is all about taking your time, in your time, at the present time.

It was suggested that keeping a log of my yoga practice might help me chart my progress over time, and to recognize the non-linear nature of progression in body, mind and spirit.

This blog is to recognize not only the spirit in me, but the spirit in those whom I've encountered along the way, on this my path.

Namaste.